Flatmate Review: Joshua Morris

Joshua Morris is one of my 3 flatmates. We share many mutual friends and they will all tell you that Joshua is an intelligent, extremely kind and caring individual, who would never cause anybody any pain.

They are wrong.

I moved in just over two months ago

I’m going to stop there and go over an event that literally just happened while it’s fresh in my mind. Joshua just entered the lounge where I’m currently typing and rubbed their hand over the wooden door, causing it to squeak. Locking eye contact with me, they asked, “What’s this guy’s problem?”. I felt obliged to let Joshua know that they had just personified and attacked a door. They looked away, the lack of eye contact instantly unsettling, and continued on their merry way.

As I was saying, I moved in just over two months ago and met the quiet, apparently mild mannered Joshua. We quickly found similar interests in movies, TV and tabletop role-playing. These interested being shared with the other two flatmates, I thought I’d have a very easy going time ahead of me. Then the laughter began.

If we’re talking about movies, let’s talk about The Dark Knight. The modern interpretation of Batman and The Joker, a classic of modern cinema, and famed for the performance of Heath Ledger as the Joker. The defining characteristic of The Joker, pulled off by Ledger, is his laugh. A maniacal shriek that strikes fear in the hearts of comic readers and film goers. Heath Ledger’s chuckle pales in comparison to the midnight giggles of Joshua Morris. The reason for these laughs? Memes.

Internet memes, in my opinion, have generally become accepted in the Western first-world. The time of embarrassment is over, and memes are popular culture as much as popular culture is a meme. I grew up with the internet and I’ve seen the active development over the past two decades, I am inherently aware of meme culture but I have no strong feelings about that way of life. If I mention something off-hand to Joshua, for instance, reminding them of how much of a fukboi they are, the psychopathic, murderous laughter returns. It’s at its worst when late at night a little Andrew tries to sleep, but the mating call of the wild Joshua echoes through the walls. It’s the laugh of the evil mastermind.

The greatest issue I have is that I often feel singularly targeted by Joshua. Often in the flat we’ll all be hanging out as you do in 2016; sitting in the lounge with laptops, phones and video games, not communicating. A giggle rises from Joshua, but the others pay no mind. They look up, directly to me, and a facial expression somewhere between disgust and humour at my expense is shot at me. Nobody notices, this death threat of the eyes is shared between Joshua and myself. The final straw was the marriage jokes. Joshua made some jokes early on in our shared living experience that they’d marry me. Flat banter, right? This was until sometime later that I learned Joshua has a list of people they’d like to marry. To my short lived relief, I was not on the list. Joshua locked eye contact as they so often do, and told me that I am the reason for the list.

I feel like Luke Skywalker, my hand has been severed and the dark villain who disfigured me turns out to be my dad. The tension is palpable, and like Luke, I have only one option: escape. Joshua suggested I start this blog and even complimented my first post and premade theme. Sometimes I think they’re watching me, as they watch my blog. Perhaps if I run I can make it to the police before they catch me. I only want to see my mother again. They must

 

 

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